Two home games, two wins and ten goals, have I changed cemeteries over the summer? Glorious sunshine and the ground looks a picture, canny few of the good folk of Ryhope letting their allegiance go and forsaking the colliery to visit us down the bank, happy smiling faces all round. What could possibly go wrong?
Cast your mind back, that's all I say, cast your mind back. Four nil and eight nil I think it was last year, before the wheels fell off. Nobody could call me a pessimist, but it has got to make you think, especially when Ryton are coming to call; have we ever beaten them?
Mind, it is always a pleasure to try your luck against any representatives of the great Geordie nation. I remember only too well the last time they came to see us, in the big decider for promotion a year or two back, which they won and won well by the way. They brought about two hundred with them, as jovial a bunch of Tynesiders as you will ever see, with the bairns all singing their witty songs and decked out in their black and white. Fair made my heart sing I recall. Lots of witty cracks contrasting the fortunes of all the teams on Wearside, as against the glory that is the toon and specifically its superb flagbearers at St James. Oh how we all laughed along with them then, recognising the eternal sunshine that is Newcastle and its United, top dogs, top city, then and for evermore; I wonder how many will turn up this time and what their views will be? I only ask, I only ask.
Still, petty local matters of regional partisanship to one side, a decent run in pursuit of the old tin pot would be nice for all concerned, although as usual I must make my apologies for any away travel, unavoidably detained by the weight on my shoulders as they say. Good few years since we won a tie in the big cup, so maybe this year is the one, but Ryton and everybody else will be saying the same. And a final point: how do you get one of those nice red shirts with your initials on?